Networking: Am I Bothering Them?
Networking: you either love it or hate it. And most people hate it.
In its simplest form, networking is just talking to someone, which most of us are okay at doing, so why do so many people dread networking or reaching out to ask for something? Often it is because we feel it’s awkward to ask people for help. Or, perhaps, that it shows weakness. Or, it’s that you don’t want to be a burden to someone else. This comes up with almost every client when we discuss the topic of utilizing your network. I so often hear:
“I feel like I’m bothering them”
“They’re so busy, I feel bad taking their time”
“What if they say no or aren’t able to help me?”
“I don’t have anything to offer in return”
“I haven’t spoken to them in forever”
“Is it normal to ask others for help or career advice?”
Let’s shatter all of these, shall we?
First things first: Helping Someone = Dopamine Hit
Yep, it’s true. Not only do people love to help, but it makes us feel good. So, in letting someone help you, they’re going to feel good about themselves. Science has already wired people to want to help.
Next, Put Yourself in Their Shoes
Someone who you respect but haven’t spoken to in a while reaches out. They ask if they can pick your brain for 20 minutes. They ask for advice. They ask if you can introduce them to a connection of yours. Do you overthink the situation when you get that note? Likely, you immediately say yes. The person you’re asking is in the same boat.
Let’s break down the fears coming up around networking:
1. They’re too busy.
And if they are, they’ll tell you. We’ve all had periods of time where our job and personal life require extra hours and we just have to be up front about it. The worst they might say is “I’m so sorry, I don’t have the capacity to be helpful right now” … and you thank them anyways and move on. You never know what someone else is going through in life; 99% of the time being “too busy” has nothing to do with your ask.
2. I don’t have anything to offer in return.
Maybe not right this moment, but that's okay. Not everything needs to be a give and take. 5 or 10 years down the line, they might have an ask for you. Perhaps, they just believe in karma. Perhaps you asking them for a referral into their company gives them a chance at a $2k referral bonus, so you actually ARE giving them something in return. Perhaps they’ve been struggling with confidence and you asking for advice means the world to them. Perhaps they’ve been lonely and reconnecting with an old peer is the highlight of their week. Perhaps you just paid for their $5 coffee. The reality is, it’s okay to ask because you need help and not because you have anything to give them. But, be sure to let them know you’re happy to return the favor.
3. They aren’t able to help.
Well, we’re not all Super Man or Super Woman. Sometimes we aren’t able to help someone in the way they need. It doesn’t hurt to ask, because they may know someone else they can introduce you to who CAN help you. Or, perhaps a week later something comes up and they think of you. Not everything will be solved in the moment.
4. But we haven’t spoken in ...forever.
Then it’s probably time to reach back out and say hi :) Call it out if it helps make it less awkward “I know we haven’t spoken in 4 years since we worked together, but I always admired you for XYZ and was hoping you’d be willing to catch up and provide some advice…”
We are all busy and cannot keep in touch all the time with every person we have worked with. As long as you had a respectful relationship at one point in time, they likely will be excited to hear from you again.
- Kaitlyn